Emergence

How exactly does one negotiate manifesting change in life with the intent of self expression and actualization? Not just brushing your teeth with the other hand in the morning kind of change but the deeper, shifting directions kind of change that rocks the foundations of your world? I could research...I sure love reading books, particularly self help, uplifting kinds of non-fiction that leave you feeling energized but just as unequipped to radically transform your life and then full of shame and sadness. I could find a mentor or talk with others who have intentionally made significant personal and professional shifts in service of leading a more fulfilling and meaningful life. Is there a website for that? Can I put out an ad on Facebook or craigslist looking for a life change guide with personal experience? I know, I'll spend an exorbitant amount of money to take a "spiritual retreat" in Santa Fe surrounded by pagan lesbians...after days of being non-verbal in a sweat lodge I can take peyote and have a guided spiritual journey that reveals my true path. At least I might lose some weight and get some good sleep.

I think I'm going to have to tackle this kind of journey with equal parts action and intention. First, I shall commit to daily meditation of at least :20. My mind literally just screamed at me "no you won't" when I typed that last sentence. It's true that I've waxed and waned with my commitment to mindfulness meditation (but don't tell my clients that) and struggled to integrate it into my life as persistent practice. However, I DO know it's benefits of improving mindfulness skills and decreasing general experience of anxiety. I have seen myself be a better practitioner because I'm much more present and reflexive with clients as a result. So, once again in the void of this blog space I state my first step in my journey to manifesting deep, lasting change: I commit to :20 daily meditation from this point on. 

Secondly, I commit to scheduling an appointment with a financial planner. I know this sounds weirdly off task from my greater goals but hear me out: if we can be smarter with our money both in investment strategy and spending/savings ratios then we both can feel more flexibility and control over our work lives. Right now we're making a rather large combined income but have little to no investment or savings strategies leading to both of us succumbing to the vague pressures of our psychotherapist craft to simply keep scheduling clients to make more money and meet the needs of those wanting our services. This is a crazy making way to approach business and time management and still leads to feeling out of control of an unpredictable income. I truly believe that we could both feel a greater sense of clarity and direction if we had a short and long term plan to save, invest, and spend money on the quality of life we want and move towards our goals for the rest of our lives. Plus, it might feel like solid justification for decreasing my work load permanently without feeling as though I'm letting us down. So, once again, from the rafters of this online private format: I commit to meeting with a financial planner prior to the end of 2019 to clarify savings goals, benefits allocation, and investment strategies for our family. 

There will be so many other steps along this path but these feel like two achievable and meaningful starts to creating more space and opportunity in my head and in my life to continue considering and changing and emerging from this stuck place.